I want you to know that I see you. I know you walk into church hesitantly, hoping no one wishes you a happy mother’s day because it will only make you feel more awkward. If it does happen you just smile and nod then walk away.
You sit in the pews praying that they don’t call for all the moms to stand up because you feel like everyone will notice that you are still sitting. I’m sure no one will really notice but you do and it makes the fact that you aren’t a mom sting just a little more than usual. Of course you are grateful for your own mom and want her to know that she is special to you but something about not being a mom yourself makes you feel left out.
I know you sit there feeling like you are less valued because you aren’t a mom. You wonder if others who have children don’t really take you seriously because you don’t know what it’s like to be in their shoes. You have this idea in your head that you don’t think people will see you as an adult until you become a parent.
You’ve been married more than five minutes (or five years) so it seems only normal that you would have kids by now…at least that’s what many people seem to think. What those people don’t know is that things don’t always work out that way.
Life can be hard and maybe it just hasn’t been the right time to add kids into the mix just yet. Maybe you are struggling to even get pregnant so being left out of the mommy club stings all the more.
You desperately want to connect with other women but it’s difficult when you don’t fit in with most women you know that are your age. It’s not like you can join the MOPS group or go on playdates. So you sit back and long for the day you’ll have your own little baby to hold. Then you will finally be able to join in the discussion about diapers, waking up with baby in the middle of the night and other crazy mommy moments as you watch your child grow up.
I also know that you wonder if your struggles are less important or not as real because you don’t have the added responsibility of caring for your own children.
Sure it’s expected that women with kids will have rough days. Kids are a lot of work and you don’t minimize that fact. You really do appreciate the unique struggles that moms deal with. It’s just that you think you don’t have an excuse to not have it all together because you don’t have kids to take care of.
Please don’t get caught up in that lie. I know when you are browsing online, it is easy to find encouragement for specifically for moms but that is because those posts are targeting that specific audience. I see lots of posts about hope for the weary mom or encouragement for busy moms, etc. Does that mean that only moms get weary or only moms are busy? No!
Please, please, please…If I could tell you one thing it would be that I know you struggle and have bad days and that is okay! You don’t have to be a mom to need encouragement when you are having a bad day…you just have to be human.
I know it’s easy to dwell on what you don’t have but in the end it is only going to steal your joy. Things don’t always work out the way you hope but don’t forget that God has great plans for you and He loves you.
Can I tell you something else dear woman? I didn’t write these words just for you, I wrote them for me too. I see you because I am you.
So as you walk into church this Sunday, I pray that you can walk in with confidence because no you may not be a mom but you are still a precious and valued daughter of the King.
A Note About Infertility: I know that many women struggle with mother’s day because of infertility. I have not personally struggled with this but it is honestly one of my greatest fears. I have known some women who have dealt with it and I know that it is not an easy road to take. If Mother’s Day is hard for you because you are struggling with infertility, please know that my heart goes out to you.
Before you go, I want to offer you some resources that I hope are helpful.
If you need encouragement not specifically directed to moms but still applicable all women, I highly recommend you check out Holley Gerth. Holley has walked a long road of pain and struggle with not having children of her own. Holley also believes that all women are mothers because women bring life into the world in some way. She and her husband now call a young woman whom they met when she was 20 their daughter.
Here’s a post Holley wrote that was featured by Lysa TerKeurst: Hope When Mother’s Day is Hard
Here’s a beautiful post by Holley for all women: Encouragement for Every Woman, Every Mama