I have to tell you, selling a home and buying at the same time is no joke. We have to be ready to pick up and move with little warning. I have to rush around like a mad woman making sure everything is spotless and presentable whenever someone wants to come take a look. Some might like it and others might not even show up, but we keep on in hopes that the right person will walk through the door.
We also have to look at houses that may not even be available by the time we can actually put in an offer, but not knowing when we will need to move means we have to be ready with some options. My husband and I have been going to private showings and open houses since about April. On this particular Saturday morning, we go out again thinking it’s probably just another day of checking more off the dwindling list of possibilities.
Not Just Another House Tour
My heart beats fast in anticipation as we walk out of the place we have called home together since the day we said ‘I Do’, but to me it’s never really felt like home. We get in the car, me in the driver seat since he still needs his morning dose of coffee to kick in. I sip a bit of my coffee; homemade, decaf, slightly sweet and topped with foam then take a deep breath as I drive off.
As we drive across town on our way to look at some more possible homes, I can’t help but think what it would be like to not have to take this drive anymore. To be close to our friends and family and be near our church. To live in a place we could make our home.
After a little detour for some breakfast, we make it to the first home tour of the day. It was rainy and gloomy but our spirits were high, albeit a little unsure of what the day would bring.
My first reaction driving up was that I liked the neighborhood; It was quiet and peaceful yet close to the main road and a short few minute drive to church. The house has a good size front yard, driveway and large two car garage. The front is interesting enough but could definitely use some landscaping help.
Walking in the front door, my heart sinks a little as I smell something off. My mind goes right to what for me would be the worst, cigarette smoke. After my brief freak out moment, I realize it’s just a musty like pet smell. Someone must have had a pet in here at some point and kept the windows shut for months.
A sigh of relief sweeps over me and I continue to the kitchen. It isn’t much to rave about but I like the window looking out on the front yard by the sink and the fridge is a decent, however obviously not brand new, model with the freezer on the bottom. The stove is gas not electric which is a plus and probably about the same age.
Beginning to Dream
From that moment on, we keep talking about all the things we could do with the space and how we would change it to make it our own. Take down a door here and there. Change the layout of the kitchen. Move the fridge to the other side of the room. Oh and could that wall be removed to make the kitchen and dining area flow together? The carpet would definitely need to be taken up but maybe there’s hardwood underneath. The bathroom is actually somewhat decent and the space the double vanity offers is nice. The bedrooms are the right size for what we need and the basement offers so much space to expand.
What really sold us is the view out the backyard. That was the moment he said, “I love this place and I think I could see us living here.” I smiled and agreed, my heart fluttering with excitement that this could really be the one.
It was hard to leave because something about it just felt like home. The next few houses were huge disappointments. I even had hopes for one of them as the pictures made the kitchen look like a dream. It may not have been the dirtiest or ugliest, but it turned out to be the most awful house we had ever seen. Everything about it was just all wrong.
At this point I am beginning to wonder if that first one we looked at today could really be the one. It was like when I found the perfect ring, none of the other ones could compare because I knew that one was it. I had no idea if he would actually get the ring I wanted or when he would give it to me but I was anxious with anticipation until the day he pulled out that ring and asked me to spend the rest of our lives together.
Yet, instead of waiting for him to pop the question and mulling over flowers and colors and dresses, I can’t stop thinking about that house and all the home improvement projects I can’t wait to get my hands on.
I keep searching Pinterest for new ideas on front door colors, fireplace decorating, gardening, office space organizing, bathroom design and kitchen remodels. I’m dreaming about where my furniture would fit and how I could use the space for now until we can save up to start tackling the big projects.
I’m thinking about family gatherings and welcoming friends into our home, but not just any home this home.
We are finally dreaming about our future together and it feels so wonderful to have this thing we are hoping for and having conversations about, almost like we have already bought the place and are set to move in next week.
Don’t Let Lies Kill Your Dreams
Then somewhere among all my dreaming, the fear creeps in and steals my joy like an unexpected slap across the face. It tells me that there’s no chance you’ll get this house. Someone else will buy it or you won’t be able to get the financing. It says, no one wants your little condo and you will be stuck there well into the next year. It says those dreams are foolish and it’s better for you to forget them. It says you better be prepared to fall back into that dark place you were a year ago because it’s coming back, that’s just life so get used to it.
But if there is one thing I have learned over the past year it’s that those voices in my head trying to squelch my joy and tell me I will never be good enough or that things will never work out are lies….downright, dirty and rotten lies from the pit of hell. Satan wants nothing more for than me to keep living in darkness but I am finally ready to fight back. Sure he may tell me things that are true but he never tells me the whole TRUTH.
The truth is we may or may not get this house but God has a plan for when and where we will move and it is better than I could ever ask or imagine; that’s the truth I am clinging to. In the meantime, you can find me dreaming away planning what I want to do should we get the chance to make this house our home.